How To: Help An Anxious Little One

Miss M, who is 7 and a half, takes after me...she worries, she is anxious and anything outside of her routine stresses her out.  Im not sure if I've subconsciously imposed my worry on her or its in our DNA (think I've mentioned before I think I get it from my Dad!) but it makes for some very upsetting bed times, lots of tears and lots of hugs.

I'll be honest, at first I was at a loss as to what to do.  I've learnt over the years to rationalise things in my head and that no amount of worry will change certain situations but thats hard to get across to a seven year old who doesnt have the emotional intelligence to deal with it on their own.

So I hit the internet and found a huge amount of information on how to help anxious kids.  Some of it doesnt work for us, some of it did.  Its very much a work in progress as just as we've solved one worry, another one crops up.  Its something we're working on and hopefully, every time we deal with one worry, Miss M will learn a little bit more how to deal with it.

1. Listen
Ok this might sound like an obvious one, but when your little one is telling you something do you REALLY listen or just have half an ear listening?  Quite often Miss M will start a story with "Me and so-and-so fell out because.....".  Turns out that falling out with her friends is a big deal for her as she's worried about being on her own in the playground (she's just moved up to the juniors so is a little fish in a big pond).  Once I listened properly, I realised it wasn't just a silly falling out with her friends, but a really worry for her.  Understanding the problem was the first thing in helping to deal with it.

2. Ask The Right Questions
Sometimes they cant find the words to tell you whats wrong.  They're not sure themselves, but they know something is worrying them and they're not happy about it.  Ask if a particular situation is upsetting them, ask if its something you can help with.  Also, ask them how big their worry is...is it bigger than them?  Bigger than the house?  I found this helped to visualise her worry as a tangible "thing" rather than something insurmountable...then we can deal with making the worry smaller.

3. Make A Worry List
This is something  I've done for a long while and helps me even as an adult.  Writing things down on paper helps to again, visualise the actual problem.  Seeing things in black and white some how helps stop it getting muddled in your head.  I did this with Miss M and in actual fact, what seemed like a massive list of problems in her head, she later admitted, didnt look that scary on paper (Mummy - 1, Worries - 0!!)

4. Read A Book
Not just any book.  The Big Bag of Worries is about a little girl who has exactly that...a bag of worries so big it takes over everything!  Miss M is an avid reader so I gave her this book to read one night before bed. She read it aloud to me, then again to herself.  Then we had a little chat about it and about how silly it was that the bag got so big, the little girl couldnt even fit it in the cupboard!  Point proven!  I wont give the story away (incase you want to read it for yourself!) but it helped...it helped a lot.

From Amazon

5. Give A Big Hug...But Not Too Big
This worked for us but might sound harsh written down.  When Miss M first came to us with her worries, we gave her a big hug, dried her eyes and tucked her back into bed (funny how the worries always come at night!).  The second, third and fourth time we did the same thing.  After the fifth time of tears and tantrums over the same anxiety, it occurred to me that by giving her a hug and and sympathising with her worries, I was making it ok to be worried and she was enjoying the attention for what was, infact, a negative emotion.  In actual fact what I wanted her to realise was that she didnt have to worry.    

So thats is, a few things I put into place to help Miss M with her worries.  We've overcome a few of them using these steps, some we're still working on, but we'll get there!

Thanks for reading!

Mummy B x x

Recipe: Oh So Simple Banana Muffins

I'm no great cook.  Infact, I wouldn't even go as far to say I enjoy cooking.  Its something that involves patience, which is not something I am blessed with.

I do however enjoy baking cakes with the little misses and hell, if I can incorporate some sort of
fruit or veg then all the better, as Miss M is what we call a "fruit dodger".

These quickly became a family favourite because a) they are simple and b) they are yummy!  What 
else do you need from a muffin recipe right?!  These are perfect after school snacks, lunch box snacks, 
anytime snacks really.   They're freezable too which makes them super handy for batch cooking.

                                       

Ingredients

Makes 4 large or 8 mini muffins

1 large over ripe banana
40g soft brown sugar
2 tbsp rapeseed or sunflower oil
1 small egg
65ml milk
100g self-raising flour

1. Pre-heat the oven to 190c/375F/Gas Mark 5.
2. Peel and mash the banana in a bowl using the back of a fork.
3. Mix in the sugar and oil.
4. Crack the egg into the bowl and pour in the milk.  Stir it all with spoon.
5. Pour in the flour to the wet ingredients and fold in well.
6. Spoon the mixture into your cases until they're almost full.  If you're using silicon moulds
spray with a little oil spray so they don't stick.
7. Put in the oven for 15-20 minutes.

Eat and enjoy!!

Thanks for stopping by! x x

Our Family Goals For 2014

Ok, I know you've probably read/seen a thousand "new years resolution" posts in blog land over the last couple of weeks.  This is probably going to be another one!  However, I think its important for me and my family to put these thoughts in writing, put them out in the blogesphere and be accountable to them.

I dont like the word resolutions.  They sound too restrictive and my personality (Im a typical Aquarian) doesnt react well to being restricted.  So I've made "goals" for 2014.  Things that, in December, I'd like to look back on and see how many we have achieved and during the year, have something to reflect on and re-gain some focus as we lose direction as I've no doubt we will!

Image Credit Via Google

1. Be More Positive
I am an eternal worrier.  I think its in our family DNA as my dad is the same and I think Miss M is showing the same traits.  However in my (nearly) 32 years I've learnt that worrying will often, not change the outcome of a situation.  I therefore, need to make it one of my goals to think more positively, cos worrying gets you nothing but a few extra wrinkles.  I need to teach Miss M a few tricks of how to deal with worry too, like distracting yourself with your favourite song.

2. Do More Crafting
Until very recently I owned my own craft-related business.  However, running two businesses from home (more about this at a later date!), bringing up two children, running a home etc etc began to take its toll so I sold that business.  However, I now have a craft shaped hole in my life that needs filling!  So Im going to try to fit some craft in every day...be it getting my sewing machine out or painting hearts with Miss L, it makes me happy so will be worth finding the time.

3. Be More Organised
As previously mentioned, Im an Aquarian, which means I am, by nature, messy and unorganised.  My problem is, inside I know there is a super organised person trying to get out!  I look longingly at organised pantries on Pinterest, constantly pin cleaning to-do lists.  My goal this year is to organise my house.  I should have more time on my hands to put my lovingly researched plans in place....now I just have to find some motivation somewhere....hmmmm.

4. Be The Best Wife I Can Be
Which means looking after myself too.  Before Christmas I lost two stone through healthy eating and going to the gym.  In turn, I felt better about myself, which made me happier and just generally a better person.  Exercise has a massive effect on my mood which is why I should make a concerted effort to go at least three time a week.  It also means cooking nice meals, making an effort to hear about his day, listening to his worrys and just being there for him.  Because I love him and he works so hard to support this family.

So thats it, my/our goals for 2014.  I think four is manageable!

Thanks for reading x x

Hello And Welcome!

Hello and welcome to my brand spanking new blog.  I should say "our" brand spanking new blog as its not only about me, but the three people that mean the absolute world to me (I dont get too gushy too often I promise!).

I thought I'd spend a little bit of time introducing us, The Bowlers.  There are four of us (which we're hoping to extend to five sometime soon...but shhhhh its a secret) there's me, Mummy B, my husband, Daddy B, and our two Little Misses, Miss M and Miss L.  We also have a growing number of animals, three cats, two hamsters and a rabbit.

Me! Mummy Bowler
I am a stay at home mum, a title I say with pride!  I literally feel like its what I was put on this earth to do, look after my husband, children and our home.  I've tried other things, had other jobs before I was a mummy but Im just not career driven.  Some people get satisfaction from their jobs, some people get pleasure from going on lots of holidays or buying a new car, I get the most satisfaction from getting my children bathed and in bed on time and my kitchen being clean!  I have a small work from home job that I do to earn a bit of pocket money, but my priority is my children, my husband and my home...and I wouldnt have it any other way!

Daddy Bowler
We all love Daddy.  Know the scenes in films where the kids go running at Daddy when he gets in from work?  Yeah, thats our house!  He works so hard to provide for us and in return, I try to make sure our home is as stress free as possible....well, as possible as it can be with two kids and seventeen animals (by the way, I like to exaggerate).  We all look forward to weekends when we can kick back and relax and do stuff as a family.  His favourite game with the kids is building mammoth train tracks that make their way around the whole living room...he is good at those, mine dont measure up in comparison.  To me he's my rock, my best friend and although he's not perfect (who is??) he's pretty perfect to me.

Little Miss M
Our gorgeous first born daughter.  Little Miss M is 7 and a half and in year 3.  She is beautiful, sweet, kind, thoughtful and clever.  She is also away with the fairies 90% of the time and it takes some persistence to get her to join us back on earth sometimes!  School bores her and she lives for playtime when she gets to play whatever imaginative game has popped into her head.  That said, she's really clever when she applies herself!  Hmm...think something similar was written on my school reports.  She loves it when we do crafty stuff together or cooking, which is handy, because I love it too!

Little Miss L
Our littlest one.  Little Miss L is 3 and a half and I really dont know where to start with her.  Its funny how two kids can be brought up in exactly the same way but develop such different personalities!  Miss L is sweet, stubborn, headstrong, adores her big sister and would literally spend every minute of every day with her.  She is also a big daddies girl and loves weekends when he's home.  She's our little princess and wont wear a skirt unless it does twirls and likes her nails to be painted at all times!! 

So...thats us in a nutshell.  I hope you're looking forward to getting to know us as our little blog develops.

Thanks for reading and until next time x x